So, my resolution of posting a blog every two weeks went well!
Today my brand new baby is six weeks old. Six weeks felt like a big milestone for me as it’s the period of time I hear about the most when it comes to having a baby. Six weeks for breastfeeding to start feeling like it’s going well. Six weeks until I can drive after a caesarean. Six weeks of daily dalteparin jabs. Six week checkups. It makes me feel that by six weeks after the birth I should feel great and completely back to normal, as if the pregnancy never happened. Far from it.
I will still feel anxious about going out with a three year old and a baby, panicking that he’ll want an unexpected feed in the most inconvenient place, that Sophie will get frustrated or unmanageable while I’m sat trying to feed Leonard.
I will still have a wiggly, bumpy scar across my belly and a slightly ‘saggier’ body.
I will get angry with myself that I have achieved less during the day than I used to, got less housework done, made fewer plans.
After six weeks I realise that I can give myself as long as I need to come to terms with the changes to my body, my life, my situation. I’m sure even in six months I’ll still struggle occasionally, but giving myself permission to take it slow and go at my own pace is liberating. I won’t force myself to do things I don’t feel ready for just because I feel it’s expected of me. I’ll keep telling myself that all the silly little things don’t matter. As long as my family is happy and healthy then I’m doing a great job.
Such a sentimental post, but it comes from a peaceful, happy place. Here’s to your happy places, and let’s hope I can get back on track with regular blogging and am able to regain my ability to form proper sentences, something I seem to have forgotten since having this baby. Seriously, wording is not my strength right now.
Until the next time!